The Monster of the Past

I have a monster in my past.

No, not those guys.  This is a big, ugly monster.  Some of you know about my monster.  And to some of you, my monster has been hiding in the closet.

Three years ago, I was newly married and looking forward to a new life with my handsome husband. We were in the midst of moving him North, moving me South and life came to a screeching halt.   I had been having a lot of funny symptoms -- from ringing in my ears to complete numbness from my ear to my neck, down my right arm and into my legs and feet.  I couldn't stay awake for more than a couple of hours.  I was constantly peeing (and I wasn't pregnant then!)  I found myself having a hard time finding the words I wanted to say and my vision was getting very blurry.  After a round of Doctors visits, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, just three weeks into my marriage.

My neurologist painted a bleak picture of life in a wheelchair and advised that my husband and I not have a family.  Not exactly what you want to hear as a newlywed.  I was sure my husband was going to leave me. But God knew what he was doing when he put my amazing husband in my life.  He blessed me with a man who has stood by my side, stood up for me and refused to settle for less than the life God has planned for both of us.  We cried.  We prayed.  We listened.  We waited.  And waited.  The answer didn't come over night, but trusting God as the ultimate physician proved to be the way to go.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 states "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Unlike Paul, I pleaded with God wayyyy more than 3 times to take the diagnosis away and I didn't hear God talking to me.  In fact, I didn't feel that He was anywhere around.  But I continued to pray, praise, wait and trust.  And little by little, He gave us answers.  Looking back, there is no doubt in my mind that He carried us through those tough few months or that He continues to do so.

Our three years have been much more exciting than the neurologist made them out to be.  We are preparing to have our first child and are looking forward to starting our family. I do ask for prayers of anyone out there willing to pray for us over the next few weeks.  Not only are we are preparing for a new child, but we are in the process of moving, buying a new house, and my husband starting a new job.  Stress creates the perfect storm for an attack of my disease on my body and I have had a few medical professionals remind me of this.  I am aware, but my Bible tells me to not worry about anything, but through everything present my requests to God and HE will take care of me! All I have seen has taught me to trust my Creator for all that I haven't seen!

Thank you in advance for your prayers my dear friends!

Trusting in Him,

KaceyBee

Why I'm going to be a mean mom

Since I've been pregnant, I have found myself watching kids misbehave  and asking myself "What did I get myself into?"   

Looking around, I see kids who push their parents around to try to get their way, and their parents believe that their children will be happiest if they get everything they want.  Kids want their own laptop when they are 5, a cell phone when they are 8, designer clothes when they are 10 and to go out on dates when they are 12.  These parents find it easier to tell their children yes... but I'm going to be the NO parent.  The mean parent. 

I've already started preparing myself for my son's declarations that I am the meanest mom in the whole world.  I don't know that I ever told my parents that, but I do remember thinking it.  Now that I look back though, I'm sure glad they were "mean".

So son, get ready...
Mommy will say no.... a lot.
Mommy will not make excuses for your behavior.... and there will be consequences.
Mommy is not going to get you everything you want, but will give you all the love and grace you need.
Mommy will make you do chores and get a job when you are old enough so that you can earn the things you want.
Mommy will expect more from you than the world expects.  She'll expect you to take responsibility, to be a leader and not a follower, to be a man of God.

Mommy is ready to be the meanest mom you'll ever have.  But she loves you dearly :) 

Growing Pains

WELL... my little bee-hind has been buzzing around everywhere but here.  Oops!

Only a small piece of our world has changed.... Coach and I are having a little one.  Cheerleader or football player, we aren't sure of which yet, but we are excited!

Pregnancy has been fairly easy and I try not to complain.  Last week I started having severe pain in the baby zone. Since this is the first pregnancy, I wasn't sure what was going on and was somewhat concerned. I had my doctor check my out and she assured me that it was a normal feeling.  Well it sure didn't FEEL normal.  It was uncomfortable.  She smiled and told me that baby was just growing. 

Sigh.  Growing is painful.  Later on I was still feeling uncomfortable and God reminded me of a verse in Scripture.  Isaiah 64:8 says "We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Have you ever watched someone work with clay?  Their hands work to form a beautiful masterpiece, but the process involves kneading, pinching, pressure, and molding.  If the clay had feelings, it would certainly experience some pain.  But the end result is beauty. 

Okay God, I get it...  I guess I can deal with the slight aches and pains (and crazy hormones, dreams, and cravings!) along the next few months in order to have a beautiful bouncing baby :)

Third Time is the Charm

Well I submitted my THIRD resignation letter of the year today.  After three long months of commuting 90 miles one way and staying with friends, Coach and I have decided that it is not in the best interest of me or us.  While the opportunity seemed good, we feel that God has other (better) plans. 

While I wish I could say that I was going to stay at home and create everything that I've pinned on Pinterest, our bills require me to work. I am going back to a job that I never should have given up -- a job that never felt like "work".  I'm sure most people will think I'm crazy for giving up two really "great jobs" this year.  Unfortunately, the definition  of a good job seems to be one that provides benefits. Benefits might seem great, but after working a handful of jobs, I've come to realize that it is far more worth it to work at something you love doing. 

It seems that a majority of people work at jobs they hate and sacrifice their health, their family and their livelihood... all in pursuit of the American dream.  Well, I'm officially ending this pursuit in my life.  I've decided that life is too short to be doing anything else than what you love...

The Wheels of your Mind

I've written about the power of positive before... and I've witnessed it time and time again in my life and in the lives of others.

I read this devotion today and thought it was a great illustration and very well said.  So I'm sharing with the world  two people who read my blog.

From the devotional "Encouragement for Today" - http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7a (KJV)
The day started off just fine, but ended with confusion and tears. As a timid middle-schooler, I climbed the steps of my school bus eager to get home after a long afternoon.
Sitting quietly in my seat, all of a sudden I got this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Although my surroundings appeared to be the same, something was not right.
The bus was the normal sunshine yellow. The seats were standard black vinyl, displaying rips and tears from years of students. The floor was littered with the usual misplaced pencils, erasers and wadded-up papers. Yet, I felt out of place.
That's when I realized I did not know any of the kids sitting around me. And I had never seen the bus driver before. Frantically, I searched for anything familiar. My cheeks grew hot and my heart raced with panic as I realized I was on the wrong bus.
Although I WAS headed somewhere, it was NOT where I wanted to go.
I'd been distracted by conversations with friends, thoughts of sleepovers, and how much homework I had. My thoughts were not focused on where I was going. The actions that followed caused me to end up somewhere I did not want to be.
Thinking back on that day, I've considered how our thoughts determine a lot about the direction of our lives. Like my school bus, our thoughts will always take us somewhere, but it may not be somewhere we want to end up.
If we spend time thinking about how our boss does not appreciate us, our thoughts will take us straight to a bad attitude at work and possibly poor performance.
If we focus on how much we do for others and how little we feel appreciated, our thoughts will take us to a place of resentment, with lack of patience and love.
If we spend an entire day fuming over something our husband or kids did, and mentally practice the harsh words we plan to say to them, those thoughts will lead us into a place of arguments, hurt feelings and damaged relationships.
If we dwell on why God has allowed certain problems in our lives, we will transport ourselves into a state of insecurity and unhappiness as we stop trusting God.
If we focus our thoughts on money, career, success and pleasure, we will find ourselves in the land of the lost—feeling frustrated and discontent.

Our thoughts are powerful and require great self control. If we allow them to run rampant, focusing on things that lead us away from God, then we will wind up at a destination we would never deliberately choose.
In today's key verse, God shows us why we should choose carefully what we think about, because our thoughts determine who we are and how we live.

My childhood memory reminds me to consistently ask God to help me keep my mind on Him and on the thoughts He has for me. That way I can live according to His plans and with His perspective, seeking to be acutely aware of where my thoughts may lead me.

Our thoughts really do have wheels. Where are your thoughts taking you today?

Whoa Baby

Before my birthday even comes around this year, I have already declared myself old.

Three reasons:

1.  Yesterday when I realized it was the TEN year anniversary of September 11th, I realized it was 10 years since I was a senior in high school.  Where has the time gone?

2. I noticed a varicose vein that is trying to take residence on my leg.  ACK.

3. I have been having many random thoughts about becoming a mother. 

Yes, those things make me old.  But...maybe being old won't be so bad.

And hey, by this definition, I've been old for a LONG time.  Nap time has always made me happy!

Dear Grandma,

I thought of you today when I looked at the calendar and realized it was your birthday.  At first, I was sad that I couldn't call you and wish you Happy Birthday, but then I realized that your party with the big man and the angels singing a happy birthday chorus is much better!

It's hard to believe you've been gone 13 years. You wouldn't believe all that has changed!

First off, all the good TV shows you taught me to love have been replaced by trash.   That's right, no more Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, Walker Texas Ranger, Murder She Wrote.  But, you will be excited to know that QVC is still thriving.  (And Mom secretly loves watching it just like you did!  She doesn't have their number in speed dial yet, but I'm sure that day will come!)

Mom is beautiful as she has always been and one day she is going to be a wonderful grandma, just like you. But for now, she stays rather busy with the OTHER Katie.  Yes, she was silly enough to give her third child the same name as her brother's third child.  (Hey, they are your kids!)  Our Katie is a big goofball, just like the rest of your grandchildren. :)  She loves to read and her favorite place to go is the library.  She would've loved you :)

Khris never grew into loving reading or shopping like you tried to get him to. But, he has learned how to cook.  A little.  Just don't ask him to cook brownies.... or mashed potatoes.  He's still working on it.  He is still wild and crazy though! 

Remember when you took me to work for "Take your Daughter to Work Day"?  Well, I thought working in a big office was so cool that I decided to go to college and get a degree in business so I could work in a big office and eventually own my own office.  My first job was with yours truly, the FDA.  The Parklawn building wasn't as happy as the building you worked in.  And there wasn't a Dunkin Donuts next door where I could order Cranberry Orange muffins every morning.   But you know what was the same? You can't tell anyone.... but, I use the same password you used on your computer.  SHHHHH!  Anyway, I think I've had my share of working in offices and I'm ready to run my own office!  Just one problem... I'm not sure what TYPE of office. Maybe you could work your connections with the Big Man and ask Him to send some guidance my way.  Remind Him that I'm very indecisive and I need it spelled out rather clearly. 

I met an amazing man in college who I married two years ago.  I really missed your shopping expertise when we were shopping for wedding dresses!  Russ and I had a lot of grandparents who we missed that day, but that beautiful double rainbow right before our reception began let us know that you were all in heaven smiling down on us and blessing our marriage! 

Life is crazy, but we are doing our work and when we are finished, we are going to have the biggest family reunion ever!  Hey, is that lady from Cinnamon Run who ALWAYS called the cops up there?  If so, you better tell her to get ready, because we are going to party hard!  Do you think you could start working on a big plate of Salmon Pate? And maybe a big bowl of German Potato Salad?   For dessert, how about some Black Walnut cookies?  And dig out the Scrabble board, because we are going to play a round, or ten.  (Can you believe no one will play with me?!  I tell them I learned from the best!)

I wish heaven wasn't so far away....Love you and miss you!